12 pages and counting

 "We accept the love we think we deserve." This particular quote is one of the first pictures I saved on my phone at the start of summer. Over said and maybe even overused, yet it's the summer flings, summer family reunions, and friendships that fill your cup with passion.

When nights are filled with late runs to McDonald's or Whataburger. Driving home exhausted because you just had one of the best nights of your life. Feeling the sweat drip and run down your arms as you are jumping up and down at a concert with your best friend. 

Life is full of moments you deserve to enjoy. Never taking for granted the love that others share with you. Back home you connect with old high school friends and discuss the insanity that is adulthood. 

Sometimes Texas can feel suffocating. Revisiting old neighborhoods and places where I spent my high school nights. Remembering who I was before college. I always get a wave of nostalgia. Reminiscing on the days I'd drive to meet my friends at the mall and talk about our futures. Just dreaming of leaving. On other days home feels like a safe place.

In a house full of records, music, and the smell of my dad's freshly baked goods. Knowing deep down that this is exactly what I needed. Getting a feel from where you come from makes you appreciate where you are. Texas wasn't meant to be my forever home, but the older I get I understand that it was meant to push me. Teaching me lessons of patience. Day by day and year by year I patiently waited for my way out. 

Concerts, late nights, and Austin trips are how I'd describe my break. Watching my last months of 19 I look back at my camera roll. Witnessing the smiles, laughter, and flashing lights. When I wasn't off with my sister or with friends I was with someone that made hours feel like minutes. 

Under dark skies; the only source of light was the moon and stars. Our checker games, wordle midnights, and movie binges felt like a real definition of....home. Long talks on the phone and the sound of a smile. Never fully forgetting the chaos in the dark. Though in the light, we were two souls reconnecting and telling each other the stories of our lives. 

Weekend trips included long drives away from home. Running to Austin and family in Corpus. Trying to catch my breath I inhaled the same air as my childhood best friends. The shock on my friend's face as I ran on the beach sand and said, "Hi Marky." I will never let the face of shock erase from my memories. Antique shop strolls with my cousin and our good friend Makayla. Taking silly photos in big mirrors. Inhaling sweet green and exhaling all the bad. 

Though when silence overtook the emptiness in my room, and the sound of James Morrison played on my computer I'd turn to my drive, and write. A page eventually became pages. Stories of lovers and stories of grief. The endless amount of pages kept my mind busy. Writing about the good and bad. The non-fiction and fiction of my life and the ones I created in my head. Away from the nonsense and darkness that sometimes made its way to creep and crawl into my eyes. Every story has a purpose and every person that walks in and out of your life served what they were meant to give you. Teaching you lessons of love, trust, and friendship. Sometimes a reconnection of two souls gets tangled up in the differences that weren't meant to intertwine. Friendships end and lovers leave. 

As days run shorter and my time in Texas comes to an end I remind myself of the things, people, and places that matter. Late movie runs and watching the sunset with my sister and friends give me peace of mind. Wii games at Ami's house remind me to be grateful for friends and a job that I sometimes hate but know that it's secretly fun.